Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
