i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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