She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
