It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
