He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
