I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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