I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
