i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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