it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
