Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
