meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
