I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
