Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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