Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
