She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
