wat bout pragnant strippers??
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
