just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
