Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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