Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
