What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
