Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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