so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
