Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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