I'm going to jail i love you
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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