remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
