he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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