Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
