I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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