11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
