i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
