I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
God, I missed his penis.
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