How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
