Me too!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
