you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
