Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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