i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You ate ashes out of my bong
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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