did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
