you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
