Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
