He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
