I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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