My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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