I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
