Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
