God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
