we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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