They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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