i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
