the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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