hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
