ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize