the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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