In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
