I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
