So drunk its hurt
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
