did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
