I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
