bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
