Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
