evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize