Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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