You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
