tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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