Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
