I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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