It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
