a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
