I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
it glows. i had to have it.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
