guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
